As we continue to explore this self-forgiveness thing, I think we need to talk about why it's so dang hard to grant ourselves the same grace we give everyone else on a daily basis. If you're a parent, hourly. If you're married, by the minute. You get the idea. I've always believed that half the battle in changing something is in finding out why the thing is there in the first place. I've come up with a couple of reasons we can toss around.
* Somebody in our past -- mother, misguided pastor, great-aunt who was baptized in vinegar -- convinced us it was dangerous to let any misdeed slip out of memory, and made dang sure it didn't.
* Over the years guilt has become as constant and reliable a companion as your cocker spaniel. Except that it bites. Over and over
* We get confused about what forgiveness really means and buy into the myth that forgiving is the same as forgetting. That it means we shouldn't have to suffer the worldly consequences for this thing we've done. That it means we're letting ourselves off some hook we're supposed to be hanging on.
You may have your own reasons. I'd love to hear them. Getting them out there where you can laugh at them and buzz them (for those of you familiar with Game Show Theology; if not, read Healing Stones) and see them for what they are -- Toxic Theology. Because whatever reasons we come up with for why we can't forgive ourselves -- they're all wrong. Just promise me you won't feel guilty about them.
We'll talk more later this week about why we have to forgive ourselves and how we can make a start in doing it. As always:
*this is not a substitute for therapy
* feel free to comment privately.
Blessing that heart of yours,
Sullivan Crisp
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2 comments:
Bingo on point #1. My parents did the best they knew, but there was always a "but" to every positive comment, and flaws were always pointed out. I like to say I'm a recovering Pharisee!
I just finished reading Healing Stones in the wee hours of the morning...this book has opened my eyes to many, many truths. So many of the pages are ear tagged and sentences high-lighted...so often the Holy Spirit would whisper to me-are you getting this? Are you reading this with more than your head? Is your heart hearing this? He would say "this one" regarding a certain sentence and I knew there was something to glean from it, a truth to replace the lies...I am on a journey, and what you wrote here about self-forgiveness is exactly what I am realizing after all these years.
I felt like I was reading my own story in this book...I was Demi...and though it was 20 years ago, I still carry the stigma of the woman caught in adultery...I still carry around my own stone. *quiet tears*....but as I process, journal and pray I trust and believe that healing will come...and that my Lord has used this book to crack open the door to where I can now look more fully at self-forgiveness....already I feel the grip on the stone lessening.Blessings
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